Mid-Life Friendship Crisis
I have been pondering this question for months now. Do you find yourself needing or wanting to change friends in mid-life? Is this the women's version of the mid life crisis? The friends that I had over the past 20 years ago have dwindled to a treasured few. Have I changed that much, have they? Or is it both? I find that we have always had different interests but that never seemed to bother me or give me the feeling that the bond we had is gone. Now I feel that the connection I have with some of them has dwindled to a slow drizzle. Have you ever found yourself in friendships where they mean much more to you, than you do to them? That can't be healthy can it?
It sank home a few days ago when I showed a couple of friends what I thought was a cute post on my blog and they had no interest what so ever, never really looked at the screen. They don't follow my blog and have no interest in that aspect of my life. I don't think the majority of my friends even realize that it bothers me so much that they have so little interest in my blog, my life, or my love of being creative. This is not just a hobby, this is a big part of my life.
Then I have to ask myself, have I moved on from friends and made them feel the same way? My best friend from high school adopted a child over 10 years ago and I thought to myself at the time, well I don't have children so she'll understand when I don't get involved with all the aspects of raising her little girl. I buy Christmas and birthday presents but was that enough? Now I look back and think, was I involved enough? Did I make my friend feel like I had moved on even though I will treasure our friendship till the day I die?
So, here lies the question how do find new friends at the age of 50? Do you try to make new friends or explain to your old friends how you feel? But then, are you putting them on the spot by asking your old friends to change for you, and is that fair to them? Either way I think we'll just fall back into the old version of our friendship.
My the answer to this question has been to look for new friends. I plan to remain close to the few old friends that I still have and, accept the fact that our friendship has become different and in some cases,limited. At the same time search for new friends that have the interests and beliefs that I have. Going to artistic events has been a life saver for my creativity and the beginnings of new friendships. I plan to be pro-active in my search and try to work on new relationships!
Because of this friend mid life crisis of mine, I need to realize that relationships change so, I need to stop wearing my feelings on my sleeve when my old friends don't, get or, have no interest in what I'm doing. In this crisis the need to accept and move on is the only I think my old friendships will work. The way to a healthy me is to move on and add to my rolodex of creative and loving, supportive souls, any takers??